Meeesichetta (fantomediva) wrote in ring_rants,

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I just came across this thing I wrote awhile ago -- a little perverted look at the names of the LOTR cast. Thought it would make peoples giggle, so here you all go, save for you chillins with the hairy feet! *points to door* This is not suitable for the youngin's.

Viggo Mor-tension, since he hadn't been around Sean Asstin wanted Elijah Wood to help him drive it Holm. Unfortunately he could not, so Viggo Mor-tension went over to Sean Bean, who had a wee little Bean, just not big enough to drive it Holm. Still, Viggo Mor-tension did not want to use his Monaghan to gain an Orli-gasm, and he felt there was only one other to ask: Billy who had quite an extremely large Boyd. Again he was turned down, for Billy...he just wasn't into that sort of thing. He'd rather Park-er it in Kristi's...ah, you know where. Feeling very alone and horny, Viggo Mor-tension wandered the vastness of...erm...McKellan-d, looking for a mate. He searched three days and three nights, losing hope with every step he took, for the refusal of even Billy's Boyd was enough to kill a man. BUT...things soon changed for the better, when he came across a whore and her John Rhys-Davies. The whore was none other than Miranda and Viggo Mor-tension felt he Otto ask her to help him with his Orli-gasm. He went over to her, shy as a wee pup, and said, "Ms. will you help me drive it Holm?" She looked at him strangely and told him to "join the Serkis, one can really Liv there".
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